Dodo Olympics Bag of Tricks

Dodo Olympics is starting to catch on. People are tired of yesterday's “Steroid, Mongoloid” Olympics. They love sports but they want a new less stressful and more ethical way of playing them. They want to have fun, be safe, play without ego, broken bones or hurt feelings. Here are a few ideas:

 

The 100 METER DODO RUN is for all you single lonely men in the world. Each one of you participants will run the 100 meters to “meet her.” That's right—“meet her”—she's your soul mate, your dream girl, or whatever you call her. It's that simple. However, if the love of your life is not there at the finish line, don't stress, simply run another 100 meters to “meet her” then wait an hour or two. If she still doesn't show up, just keep running, but don't tire yourself out. Perseverance is what it takes to attract true love. So keep your focus and hopes up. Trust me, sooner or later she'll be there waiting for you at the finish line. She'll have her arms wide open and gently saying, “I'm the one. I love you.”

But remember if she offers you a straight jacket, even if it's your favorite color, don't be so quick to reply, “I love you back.” Or, if she's waving a pair of shiny handcuffs, and wearing a policewoman's uniform—she's not the one. Run the 1500 meters to “meet her” as fast as you can and save your lonely heart butt. Don't be discouraged, you'll “meet her” sooner or later. So keep on running and you'll be in the best shape of your life when you do.

P.S.: Pray for a miracle or start believing in re-incarnation. Some of you slowpokes may need an eternity or an even longer duration to “meet her”.

DODO POLE VAULT : This is a very simple and fun event. All you have to do is find somebody who's Polish and jump over them. That's it, and you're a Pole Vaulter. But, if you're smart, you'll find a very short Polish man or better yet, a Polish midget.

DODO SHOT PUTT : The shot put is a round metal ball weighing 16 lbs. It's very heavy so I suggest that you just watch it for a while. Don't be so eager to pick it up and throw it like other Olympians do. It's happy just being there; that's why it's not moving an inch. Maybe it wasn't meant for you to throw it anywhere. Maybe shot putting is not your thing. So be patient and just keep a close eye on it. Wait for someone else to pick it up and throw it out of your way. When they do, your watching days will be over. You won't have to sit and stay put guarding that stupid shot putt.

THE DODO HORSE : All you have to do is sit on the horse, yell out a couple of giddy-ups, and wait. “GIDDY-UP,” I said, “GIDDY-UP,” but it didn't move a muscle. It just sat there; dead in its tracks. Trying the time-tested lazy birdbrain's philosophy I cried out, “WHOA” and sure enough the Olympic horse followed my Dodo command instantly. “Whoa” made me feel like its master. It was also the only command it obeyed. So I just sat there eating an ice cream cake sandwich.

Here's some advice for you Olympic gymnasts: If your horse doesn't start moving or bronking on “ giddy-up ,” then you've probably got yourself a sick or tired horse. And from the Olympic horses I've seen, not one of them moved, so I suggested they call a vet. Something was definitely wrong in gymnastics horsey land let me tell you that.