•  Use large erasers to wipe Iraq off of every map in the world. If they don't exist, there can be no war.

•  Threaten to rename the Tigris and Euphrates rivers to the Mississippi and Missouri .

•  Put sleeping pills into their water. Let the Iraqis sleep for a 100 years and wake up clueless as to who they are.

•  Build an underground pipeline and send all their oil to Israel .

•  Infest their entire country with the deadly pesticide-proof American ghetto cockroach.

•  Confuse them by changing all their names. Call the Kurds, Shiites - the Shiites, Sunnis - and the Sunnis, Kurds. By the time they figure out who they really are the Civil War will be over.