But let's talk about China first, cuz they need us the most. The Chinese are just not laughing enough and that's their problem. They're so serious and work long hours to make so much stuff that everybody buys but nobody really needs. They have to take my IQ test and be Dodoized. We at the 1¢ Dodo Stores have just the right products to tickle their fancy.

We should export “Dodo Fortune Cookies” that will tell them of their misfortunes if they don't lighten up and laugh more. Also we'll export “Dum Dum Bubble Gum.” That'll keep their mouths chewing and popping bubbles all the while transforming them into bubbleheads. We'll get their minds off of manufacturing and exporting, and turn them into American High School dropouts—Dodos of the unmotivated kind.

But the best product we can export to China will be our “Dodo Rainbow Pops.” We'll make suckers out of the whole bunch of them. They'll be sucking on our pops and crying just like little bitty babies for more. And lastly, our deadly “Dodo Supreme Dream Ice Cream” will make them fat, lazy, and cholesterol-clogged artery couch potatoes just like us. Exporting will be the last thing on their minds, you can bet on it.

Hopefully, if they do decide to import all our products, we'll make them our 51 st state. This way we can drive across the border from California to China and buy their products at a discount.