1˘ Dodo Stores For The Poor

I can't believe that people are shopping at the 99¢ stores. Those stores are overcharging everyone for everything. How are the low income, homeless, and handicapped supposed to survive. They can't! Well, we're going to put all those stores out of business.

I'm planning on opening “1¢ DODO STORES” all over the country. Everybody will shop there and save 98¢ instead of paying 99¢ for each and every item. We'll get 100% of all the merchandising business in America . We'll be a Dodo corporation and our goal will be to make lots of money so we can open more 1¢ DODO STORES. That's why we're smart enough not to charge a quarter, dime, nickel, three cents, not even two cents. We're business birdbrains. We're not stupid. We know what keeps customers coming back for more … low, low, low prices. But what if they're broke? Well, that's obvious. They get a free-be from me-me.

Our guarantee is we'll sell everything for ONE CENT AND NEVER A PENNY MORE. Can you imagine how many customers we're going to have? We'll put Wal-Mart, Smart ‘n Final, K-Mart, Costco, Target, Ross, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Sears—that's right, all of them—RIGHT OUT OF BUSINESS. Every single one of them is gouging you for the same merchandise that you'll be able to buy in our stores for just one penny! Boy, am I another Donald Trump or what? I'm full of great marketing ideas just like this one, or am I just full of it? Don't answer that.

So hurry on in. Bring your pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and even dollars. If you clean us out, we promise not to holler.