One and a half billion Chinese—let them in. One billion Indians—let them in. One hundred and fifty million Russians—let them in. Let in all the French, Germans, English, Mexicans (they're here already), Japanese, North and South Koreans. You get the idea. Make everybody an American citizen.

We'll give everyone a shot at the golden American dream. If they're resourceful enough to break our laws, they're smart enough to be Americans. They're more innovative than we are and deserve all the benefits that even we don't get.

Give them a car. Give them a house. Give them a boat. Give them a job. Give them free medical care. Give them free college. Let's give them anything they want. Let's not be the selfish me-me Americans. Borderless borders' time has finally arrived. So let's solve our problem now. Let's welcome them all to our Charity Ball.

All our immigration problems will be gone cuz we'll be one and shine like the morning sun. Also our outsourcing troubles will be a thing of the past cuz at last Americans will have all the jobs that nobody can rob. There will be no more boundary disputes and that's the American gospel truth. Foreign crises will disappear cuz everyone will be legally here.

And wars will be completely obsolete; won't that be neat. There'll be only one country, and we'll be pledging our allegiance with hearts in hand to the United States of Dodoland. After all, we're not going to declare war on ourselves. We're not that stupid, or are we?